Really Funny !

Guys read this out its really cool...

Once all the scientists die and go to

heaven............ They decide

to play hide-n-seek.........Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........He is supposed to count up to 100...and then start searching.....

Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein...........

Einstein's counting

1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........

Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....."

Newton denies and says i am not out........

He claims that he is not Newton......

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton..........

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me Newton per meter squared...... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT...........!

*****************************
*True Telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K ***

Helpdesk:* What kind of computer do you have?

*Customer: *A white one...

------------------------------

*Customer:* Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

*Helpdesk: *Have you tried pushing the button?

*Customer:* Yes, but it's really stuck.

*Helpdesk:* That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...

*Customer:* No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of ! the screen.

*Customer:* Your left or my left?

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

*Helpdesk:* Would you click on start for me and ...

*Customer:* Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!

------------------------------

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

------------------------------

*Customer:* I have problems printing in red...

*Helpdesk: *Do you have a color printer?

*Customer:* No.

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* What's on your monitor now ma'am?

*Customer: *A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* And now hit F8.

*Customer:* It's not working.

*Helpdesk:* What did you do, exactly?

*Customer:* I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...

------------------------------

*Customer:* My keyboard is not working anymore.

*Helpdesk: *Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

*Customer:* No. I can't get behind the computer.

*Helpdesk:* Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

*Customer:* OK

*Helpdesk:* Did the keyboard come with you?

*Customer:* Yes

*Helpdesk:* That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

*Customer:* Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in! Victor, the number 7.

*Customer:* Is that 7 in capital letters?

------------------------------

A customer couldn't get on the internet.

*Helpdesk:* Are you sure you used the right password?

*Customer:* Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

*Helpdesk:* Can you tell me what the password was?

*Customer:* Five stars.

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* What antivirus program do you use?

*Customer: *Netscape.

*Helpdesk:* That's not an antivirus program.

*Customer:* Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

------------------------------

*Customer:* I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?

*Customer: *Good afternoon! I have waited over ! 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?

*Helpdesk:* Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?

*Customer:* I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

------------------------------

*Helpdesk:* How may I help you?

*Customer:* I'm writing my first e-mail.

*Helpdesk:* OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

*Customer:* Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

*************************************************************************
An insect falls into a mug of beer...

Reactions:

Englishman:

Throws his mug away and walks out

American:

Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese:

Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese:

Drinks the beer with insect as it is coming free

Indian:

Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new

mug of beer. ......INTELLIGENT INDIANS

Pakistani:

-Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer

-Relates the issue to Kashmir

-Asks the Chinese for Military aid

-Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer

************************************************************************************
This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by

people in various places of India..

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my

wife,please sanction me one-week leave.



2.This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing

the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."




3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was

performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."




4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for

it,please grant me 10 days leave."




5.Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not

return, please grant me half day casual leave"






6. An incident of a leave letter

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I

request you to leave me today"




8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."




9. Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."





10. Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."





11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at

home I may be granted leave".





12. Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the well."




13.A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and

an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past

several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am

applying for the post.
************************************************************************************

What is the difference between girls
aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, and 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

######################################################################################

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JOKES

• Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?Santa: Very long!

• Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

• Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag. Guess what did he ask next...Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

• Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.

• Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

• Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?Santa: Birla cement.Banta: Kyun?Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
***********************************************************************************

Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift with this oil?" Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab" Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"______________________________________________________


ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES.. MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI, MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!______________________________________________________


Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.______________________________________________________


A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so?" It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.______________________________________________________


Once a Sardarji was going to his office. On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!______________________________________________________


A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are there in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...." Saint Peter lets him in without another word_________________________________________________________


A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to a party he introduced his family to his friends saying.." I am Sardar.. and this is Sardarnee ...this is my kid and that is my kidney...!!"_________________________________________________________

American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.." Sardarji " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"_________________________________________________________

Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus? A. Moti-vating..!!!_________________________________________________________

Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.." Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main use surprise doonga..!"_________________________________________________________


Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The


Rapist"________________________________________________________ What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE ......... Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai...... Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai________________________________________________________


Ek sardar apne bete se bola : Bevakuf, kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek bhi tili nahin jalti. Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.________________________________________________________


Man runs home yelling "Pack your bags honey. I just won the 10 Million lotto. Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains ? Man : Who cares ? Just pack and get lost !________________________________________________________


Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai? Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....________________________________________________________

Koun si devi ka kounsa prasad India mein famous hai Rabridevi ka laloo prasad________________________________________________________


A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab today....... Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still.....digging for more.________________________________________________________


Sardar Doctor to his wife: Aji suntiho! Jaa baajoo waley ghar say Doctor ko bula k laa, meritabiat kharab ho reli hai.
wife: lekin ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Sardar Doctor : ha parmeri fees buhat zyada hai

*********************************************************************
Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and
says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe bhi Main
Bol Raha Hoon!"
*********************************************************************
A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was
curd on the table. The guest asked what is this? The
Sardar didn't know proper English, he said "Milk
sleeping in night, morning becomes tight"
*********************************************************************
Sardar1: - Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2: -Birla cement
Sardar1: -Kyun?
Sardar2: - Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain
*********************************************************************
Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has
two swimming pools, one of which is always empty? It
is for people who can't swim!
*********************************************************************
Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part?
Santa Singh: All of me, of course!
*********************************************************************
Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to
fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.
*********************************************************************
Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas
color TV hai kya?' 'Haan' replies shop owner. Santa
Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
*********************************************************************
Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly
hit a girl!
So girl shouted, 'Sala Break nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab break
kya alag se maroon???????????????????
*********************************************************************
Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. 'Ek
Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was
given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man
asked and was handed a ticket. Then came the turn of
Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!' 'What do u mean
by Punjab female?' asked the clerk. 'It is for my
wife' replied Banta Singh.
*********************************************************************
Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and
says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe bhi Main
Bol Raha Hoon!"
*********************************************************************
A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was
curd on the table. The guest asked what is this? The
Sardar didn't know proper English, he said "Milk
sleeping in night, morning becomes tight"
*********************************************************************
Sardar1: - Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2: -Birla cement
Sardar1: -Kyun?
Sardar2: - Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain
*********************************************************************
Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has
two swimming pools, one of which is always empty? It
is for people who can't swim!
*********************************************************************
Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part?
Santa Singh: All of me, of course!
*********************************************************************
Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to
fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.
*********************************************************************
Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas
color TV hai kya?' 'Haan' replies shop owner. Santa
Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
*********************************************************************
Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly
hit a girl!
So girl shouted, 'Sala Break nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab break
kya alag se maroon???????????????????
*********************************************************************
Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. 'Ek
Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was
given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man
asked and was handed a ticket. Then came the turn of
Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!' 'What do u mean
by Punjab female?' asked the clerk. 'It is for my
wife' replied Banta Singh.
*********************************************************************

An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Indian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
American: "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"
Indian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In USA, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a
Container recycles it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."
The American has a smirk on his face.
The Indian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"
Indian: "Of Course."
American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling), "We don't. In USA we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India."
The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in USA?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Indian: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Indian: "We don't. In India, we put them in a container, recycle them,
Melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America.

************************************************************************************